


Honesty

by Noonereally



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: M/M, Protective Steve, Tony Feels, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-24
Updated: 2015-04-24
Packaged: 2018-03-25 13:01:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3811489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noonereally/pseuds/Noonereally
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve finds Tony in a moment of vulnerability, he knows he shouldn't stay but he can't seem to walk away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Honesty

**Author's Note:**

> A one shot that could be a part of something bigger.
> 
> I love the song this is based on but it always makes me feel a little melancholy.

Steve stared in horrified awe at the scene on the news programme. He just couldn't believe the absolute stupidity of Tony damn Stark, self proclaimed genius. Clint sat perched on the arm of the huge sofa in front of the equally huge screen, silent laughter shaking his whole body as Bruce, newly arrived from an unknown location, stood beside Steve with a bemused frown forming on his tired face. Captain America wasn't amused in the slightest.

"What on Earth is he doing?" He managed to mutter through a very tightly clenched jaw.

"Dancing I'd say Cap" replied Bruce Banner, lip quirking.

Clint gave up all together at that and rolled onto the sofa laughing at the growing anger on Steve's face.

"He's in the suit, drunk. What the hell is he playing at? Bruce, he's getting out of hand. I know he's always liked a drink but he's out of control. Fury will see this!" Steve exclaimed, turning to face Bruce fully.

The frown deepened on the scientists face at the words and with another glance at the screen, just in time to see Iron Man fall on his ass after an attempt at break dancing, gestured for Steve to following him out onto the roof garden.

"Talk to me Steve. Tony's always had a drink, been a law unto himself but he's always there when you need him. He's not a bad guy." Bruce stated simply, calmly.

With a sigh the soldier sat on the stone seat and looked out onto the disturbingly different skyline. "I know you all think I'm a square when it comes to the team and behaviour, that I'm Fury's lackey even. But I'm not. I'm just concerned about my team mate. Yes I wish he wouldn't do things that jeopardise the integrity of the team but I know he won't listen and change."

"Has his behaviour changed lately? I've not heard from him for a few weeks myself. He usually checks up on me, whether I want it or not." Bruce added with a wry smile.

"Miss Potts left." Said Steve heavily. "He's been uncontrollable, difficult, more difficult than normal. I try not to take it personally but I just seem to rub him up the wrong way."

Bruce took off his glasses and wiped them absently on a white handkerchief before replacing them on his nose and replying, "I knew she'd left. That was the last I'd heard from him, one of the reasons I came back actually. I won't betray confidences Steve. Not Tony's. But you've noticed the change, instead of acting like his commanding officer...you know that won't work, he's not a soldier, maybe you should ask why he's changed."

"I heard what she said Bruce," answered Steve quietly. "She was angry, upset. I don't know what he did but I can guess and he has to take some responsibility for things. He lives his life without any regard for the consequences and now there are some he can't handle it." His voice turned firmer, his Captain America voice, as he stood up from his seat, broad shoulders squared.

"I know you're not a judgemental man Steve so don't start now." Bruce sighed. Steve didn't know if he was going to explain that comment but the thought was pushed from his mind at the unmistakable sound of Iron Man's rocket boots. Both men looked up as the weaving form came closer and landed with all the finesse you'd expect from a tanked billionaire. Despite the stumbling and swaying Jarvis still managed to detach Tony from the suit.

"Brucey baby! You missed me honey?" Shouted the clearly drunk man. Steve held back a deep sigh at the sight. "How are you big green? Though you're looking pretty small and non green right now. How is the big guy?" Tony continued to ramble as he made his way, slowly, down the steps to Bruce and Steve. "Hey big blonde, you are looking big and blonde, not seen the TV by any chance have you? That colourful box on the wall with the moving and talking pictures?" Finished Tony with a cruel smirk.

Steve took a deep breath in and tried very hard to remember Bruce's words about judgement. _Tony's in a bad place right now, you know what that's like_. "I have yes. Are you ok?" Asked Steve, the politeness sounded forced to his own ears but he hoped it didn't come across like that to Stark. It must not have because Tony's eyes narrowed in confusion and he didn't reply, just turned towards Bruce again and quizzed him on how long he'd be with them and if they could play science together.

Steve watched the two converse in silence. He had been judging Tony, he'd done nothing but judge him since they first met. Steve started to get an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach, "Stark" he blurted before he could think better of it.

Tony turned towards him with an exasperated sigh and an eye roll, "what spangles, I'm talking science."

Steve hesitated at the look levelled at him, so much disdain. He wasn't a stranger to doubters, people thinking him beneath them but when Stark looked at him like that it twisted something deep in his gut. "Can I speak to you privately?"

Steve could see the exact moment Tony decided to deny him, the shutters snapped down over his dark eyes and his stare turned blank. "Sorry Capsicle, not really in the mood for a dressing down from team dad." Snapped Tony. Steve opened his mouth to interrupt but Stark plowed on over the top of him. "I'm a big boy Rogers, in more ways than one," he added with a wink," I went out, had a drink or 10 and and flew around in MY suit. I didn't endanger anyone but myself so just save your breath. I don't care what you've got to say to me." Steve felt his stomach drop into his feet as Stark finished. _That was the bottom line wasn't it, you're nothing to him, he has no respect for you. The voice in his head started to sound suspiciously like Bruce's why doesn't he though? Why doesn't he respect his own life?_

Before he could verbalise his thoughts Tony turned, a little unsteadily, and stumbled back towards the living space. He met Bruce's eyes and saw understanding and sadness there before he followed Stark inside and presumably to the lab.

\----

Tony is sat in his favourite worn leather armchair, head back, eyes closed and scotch bottle in hand. He was relaxed, content even, as the last bars of Paint it Black played out over his speakers. Bruce had long since departed to try and cure his jet lag and the drunk man had instructed Jarvis to play "whatever the fuck plays" as he'd finally given up tinkering in favour of drunken wallowing. However, Tony's eyes snapped open on the opening bars of the next song, "Jarvis skip...."

"Yes Sir?"

"Nevermind." He mumbled back as he settled back down, though eyes remained open as he stared into nothing and mouthed along with the words of Billy Joel.

_If you search for tenderness_  
_It isn't hard to find_  
_You can have the love you need to live_  
_But if you look for truthfulness_  
_You might just as well be blind_  
_It always seems to be so hard to give_

\----

Steve could hear music before he got within sight of Stark's workshop, he didn't recognise the song but that wasn't unusual for him, a man that had missed so much in his enforced hibernation. What was unusual was that he could recognise the actual words of the engineer's music choice. Normally Steve didn't like the 'music' Stark favoured, it was loud and largely unrecognisable to anything he'd listened to before he was Captain America. This though. This was something sweet and sad and Steve found himself at a standstill listening to the melody.

H _onesty is such a lonely word_  
Everyone is so untrue  
Honesty is hardly ever heard  
And mostly what I need from you

The words made Steve pause further, they just don't fit with the man he'd seen over the last few months. What's going on in your head Stark? Stark was the man who hid his emotions behind jokes and insults, anger and child-like enthusiasm. Steve knew the story of how he'd got his metal heart and the role a family friend played but he somehow never connected this with the Tony Stark he knew, things just didn't affect him. And if they did he just got drunk and found a pretty girl to warm his bed.

\----

Tony was singing softly along with the song now. It had been so long since he'd heard this and he wasn't naive enough to think Jarvis didn't know the meaning of the words and the effect it would have on him. The bastard. Scene's played out in his minds eye, flashing across his vision and making his eyes foggy. His father not showing up at his school science fair, his nanny picking him up from school rather than his expected mother, his first girlfriend in bed with some prick. Let down, always let down. No wonder he was a fucking screw up, he'd been screwed over his entire life. He began to sing louder as Pepper materialised in front of him, so perfect in his memory it made him ache.

_I can always find someone_  
_To say they sympathize_  
_If I wear my heart out on my sleeve_  
_But I don't want some pretty face_  
_To tell me pretty lies_  
_All I want is someone to believe_

His mouth formed a bitter smile, she was so fucking pretty. He rubbed his eyes roughly but he couldn't scrub away the scene playing in his mind. Pepper kissing his fucking chauffeur, leaning into him as he shielded her from the cold. He'd thought they'd last, she knew him, knew what she was getting in to but in the end he'd even forced her away. He'd watched them as long as he could stand that day, it was his punishment. He deserved to see it, to see what he'd forced together.Too good for you. Alone with his thoughts he didn't blame her but how he wished she'd not lied to him, not her. He really thought he could trust her with his shredded heart. It hadn't stopped him screaming at her despite where he knew the blame lay, he wasn't proud of what he'd said but he was a cruel bastard when he was hurting. Tony screwed his eyes shut to prevent anymore tears falling for her. No more.

\----

As Steve inched closer to the large window pane of Stark's lab he heard the man singing softly along with the words. His voice was rough and slightly lower than the man on the record but it sounded nice melding together like that. Steve smiled despite the feeling of guilt creeping into his stomach of watching Stark in such a private moment, he knew he wouldn't be welcome to witness this but he couldn't look away as Stark's handsome profile came into view. He stayed in the shadow of the corridor as the song continued and the rough voice got louder in its contribution.

_Honesty is such a lonely word_  
Everyone is so untrue  
Honesty is hardly ever heard  
And mostly what I need from you

As Steve watched with a strange feeling of awe and guilt Stark screwed his eyes up before throwing his head forward into his hands, left hand gripping his hair painfully tightly while his right hung limply onto the bottle of liquor. He knew Tony Stark wasn't shy but he was always guarded in showing true emotion. If you knew what to look for you could see the pain in his eyes fleetingly but he was careful to hide it behind bluff and blusher . Steve continued to stare with a growing sympathy, he couldn't shake the feeling that maybe he was finally seeing _Tony_.

_Everyone is so untrue, who made you think that Tony?_

\----

Tony's chest was heaving and his throat tight as he continued to sing along with his own past playing out in front of him. A lonely childhood with adults that weren't his parents, days spent waiting for his dad to come home from searching for a lost hero, his mother telling him she'd see him later that evening.

_I can find a lover_  
I can find a friend  
I can have security  
Until the bitter end  
Anyone can comfort me  
With promises again  
I know, I know

He tapped idly at the arc reactor embedded in his chest and smiled bitterly at the irony of the words. He knows how easy it would be. He knows what the others think he's doing when he vanishes for the night. They're wrong. They're wrong but Tony would rather them think him a whore than a coward.

\----

He could hear Tony's voice louder now through the workshop door, rough and broken the words poured from him. Steve found it painful to listen to let alone watch but he couldn't turn away, this rare glimpse beneath the brash exterior too precious to miss. He wished he had his sketch book, Tony was beautiful like this. Unmasked, naked. He felt shame role through him.

_When I'm deep inside of me_  
Don't be too concerned  
I won't ask for nothin' while I'm gone  
But when I want sincerity  
Tell me where else can I turn  
Cause you're the one that I depend upon

Steve smiled at the words, how true to life they are. He can see the scene right in front of him, of Tony locked away in his sanctuary, imagines him tinkering and building with his bare hands, time rushing away from him and him losing days inside himself. Steve frowns as he can also picture, too easily, how else Tony distracts himself with too much booze and warm, willing bodies. He felt his face get warmer at the thought and an unfamiliar emotion coiling bitterly in the pit of his stomach.

\----

Tony's voice had descended into a shout, he could hear himself above Billy Joel. His workshop swimming before his eyes but he wipes viscously at them and vehemently denies they were ever wet in the first place. He can see Obie above him from his slouched position, can feel the fear creeping at him, the memory of stale breath, the ghost of a hand too rough holding him down, remembers the life being literally dragged from him by a man he'd loved. With a strangled breath Tony forces the man from his mind.

_Honesty is such a lonely word_  
Everyone is so untrue  
Honesty is hardly ever heard  
And mostly what I need from you

Clint, Natasha, Thor, Bruce and Steve flash before him, Steve lingers longer and he knows he can't lie to himself about why, not when he's feeling so raw. He whispers the last word and doesn't stop the tears from falling this time. These people are his family. The closet he's had to a real one in a long time, maybe even forever. Why can't they see him for him? _Why can't you let them Stark?_

\----

Steve longs to know what Tony's thinking is this moment, how he can make it better, how he can stop the man from replacing his iron mask. He has to stop himself surging forward into the lab when he sees the gleam of a falling tear and he feels a sudden empathy for Tony Stark. What betrayal are you thinking about Tony? What's haunting you? He's disturbed from his thought by a broken voice instructing Jarvis to turn off his music and make sure his work is saved and Steve hesitates for a second wanting to comfort the genius. But he knows that he wouldn't be welcome, not now, he would be pushed away and he doesn't think he could take any anger in Tony's gaze right now so he retreats quickly and quietly back towards the stairwell.


End file.
